my point is that you can make these commitments without the help of the law or the church. in fact for some people the law and the church are actively working against their commitment to each other.

Can you do this informally with an e-vite or having a bunch of people over for a game of Yatzee and declaring it with a “ALL MY LOVE ARE BELONG TO YOU”? Sure.

Would it have the same impact as setting aside an entire day, sending out REAL LIVE POSTAGE STAMP REQUIRING invitations, getting dressed in your best clothes, exchanging physical symbols that you will wear every day, having a reception dedicated to your relationship and putting your love for your significant other on display to others that is so high that you think you’ll have to climb for the rest of your life to reach it? Maybe… But not for most people.

I suppose you could do all those things and not call it a “wedding” or a “marriage” afterwards, but then that’d *really* be lying to yourself.

You’d think our parentals would understand this… considering that they are part of the statistic. There’s no rush to get married. Will you love Cindy any more the day after your wedding than you do today? Didn’t think so.

On the other hand… I’m a big fan of marriage. If you know in your heart that you’re meant to be together, and you can’t imagine a day without Cindy… then why not make it official? Every little girl dreams of her wedding day (I know I do. I mean did.) It’s a commitment to show each other (and the world) that you love each other and will be there for each other always.

Either way, I’m glad you two are sticking with what you believe in. Don’t let others tell you what to do.
Love you both!

Stay tuned, I have another post in the works that spends more time with our thoughts and less time with other people’s :)

Many of my friends who have gotten married or are about to get married have talked to me about how much it sucks that they can get “officially” married and I can’t. Which… is true. But I also kind of feel bad for them (at least the ones living in CA) because I can get a state recognized domestic partnership, and they can’t. Which I actually would really like other folks to be able to do (and is something I’d still like to be able to do even when I can get “officially” married–or as married as everyone else anyway).

I originally got on that idea when I was thinking about how my friends have navigated relationships, proposals, and marriage. There’s just such vast differences in where people make the cohabitation/proposal/marriage transitions. Some people propose earlier and assume the engagement is sort of a last trial period… some people assume that once the engagement starts people have, y’know, actually made a decision and it’s all over but the party. Some people get married because they want to be with the person they’re with for the foreseeable future, others seem to be waiting a long time because they really want to be making a very very long term commitment.

There are a bunch of parts of that which are… awkward, but especially this: I can’t imagine actually deciding to marry someone, and then, like, sitting there for months without all of the legal protections and benefits that come along with that for the sake of having a party at the right time of year. And on the flip side, it just seems like a mess to hurry up a decision to declare that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone in order to enter into a legal partnership that you are ready for right now.

I know a lot of people bring up separation of civil unions from “marriage” declarations as a way of ending the gay marriage standoff, but… I think it’s a good idea for a lot of other reasons too.

Isn’t phishing fun?

It’s true, though; the entire business decision-making system, from what I know if it, is oriented around growth. More units sold, more customers, more revenue. The hockey-stick charts. When you have 10% of the market, you do what you can to get 20, then 30. When you have 50%, you start crushing your competitors, and you have to crush harder than they crush you. Or you buy them. But what do you do when you have 80, 90% of the market? There’s nowhere to go. All those investors who banked on you making 10 percent year-over-year returns… what do they think? You have to stabilize at some point, once you’re the only fish in the pond. But not before.

The necessity of growth, and the profit motive, seem to me the two reasons we ordinary folk can’t ultimately trust the free market. I wish the system rewarded for doing the right thing, serving the public good, taking care of and respecting your customers, and building a quality product you can be proud of. Instead it seems to be built to reward just the exact opposites.